I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
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