Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
Randomize