She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
I could have mohawked her pubes.
i will never coherently bang her
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
