just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
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