You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
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