I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
Randomize
