my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
Randomize
