I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize
