brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
Randomize
