I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
you are never too drunk for berry picking
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
Randomize
