You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
Too much dab too little lung dying 😵😵😵
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize
