woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
Randomize
