Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
people are starting to question the shark bite story
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
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