I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
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