why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
Randomize
