i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
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