I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
Go christen that room with your naked body.
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
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