dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
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