It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
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