end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
everyone is single if you try hard enough
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
No more Irish car bombs ever.
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
Randomize
