Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
how is it that boston is so bitchin and the rest of massachusetts sucks so much?
how is it that you still think "bitchin" is an acceptable term anymore?
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
Randomize
