my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
That reminds me...we need to get swords
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
Randomize
