My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize
