was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
Randomize
