I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
Randomize