He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
After she swallowed she let out a hurge burp. No BS. I'm the cock of the walk.
I think you have the wrong number. But at any rate, respect.
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
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