i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
I'm having to shit out rocks
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