dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
Randomize
