Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
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