I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
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