and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
Randomize
