As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
Randomize
