im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
Randomize