paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Randomize