if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
I'm pretty sure that every show on ABC Family could be turned into a drinking game.
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Randomize
