...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
It's not just going to appear. A lot of blood, sweat, tears, and leg work went into finding a cock that amazing!
Randomize
