made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
It's not just going to appear. A lot of blood, sweat, tears, and leg work went into finding a cock that amazing!
Randomize
