ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
Randomize
