What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
Randomize
