He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
Do you think Root Touch Up or Just for Men would work better on pubes?
Randomize
