So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
How is it? Sketchville?
cheap drinks and peanuts cancel out any form of sketchiness
I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
Randomize