I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
Randomize