Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
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