I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
I still have a little drunk in my system
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
Randomize
