The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
Randomize