she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
Randomize
