The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
Randomize
