Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
no. you can't hotbox the world.
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
Randomize