Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
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