that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
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