I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
Randomize
