even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
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