ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
Randomize
