If that was your dad, he is hot
I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
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