either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
Randomize
