Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
meet me or not, i'm out of control
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
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