i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
Randomize
