Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
Randomize
