I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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