for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Randomize
