Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
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