can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize
