I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
