I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
I didn't notice because vodka
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
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