Question for you. Are boobs and hands polarly charged, thus causing the inevitable joining of the two. If so are some breasts simply charged backwards
i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
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