a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
Randomize
