You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
so craigslist just dropped their "erotic services" ads. there goes our livelyhood
community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Randomize
