He kissed a someone with a penis
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
Just role played anchorman. And yes, I did take her to pleasure town.
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
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