I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
Randomize
