OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
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