I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
Randomize
