I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
Joe is yelling at the trees again.
we're making bets on your personal life
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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