It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
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