My Higher Power is John Stamos
I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
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